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Anniversary
Thoughts
These some
of the things said and written on the occasion of the first anniversary of
Garth's passing (see main page Update
7/11/02).
From Leigh
Ann Manheim:
Dear
Garth,
I
know we talk everyday, so none of this will seem new to you.
But I just wanted to sum up what this year has been like for me.
I hope I never have to go through a year like this again, but this
being life on planet earth, nothing is for sure.
I miss you like crazy, everyday and at all times during the day.
I feel like someone hacked off a limb or scooped my insides out.
Getting over your death isn’t something I’ll ever be able to do,
but I have found some grace in knowing that I’ll be with you again someday. I feel your presence often, and know that you are here
frequently. I have found some
good friends to help me through this, most importantly your dad, and I’m
glad I have him and your sisters to live for, because I’m not sure I’d
want to be here if not for them.
But
you told me the other day that you wanted me to tell about the good things
that have come out of this year, so here goes:
I have found a strength within myself that I didn’t know I had, an
invincible summer as Camus called it, and a desire to help other people who
are going through crisis. I have found that old saying “whatever doesn’t kill you,
makes you stronger” to be true for me; so many of life’s problems look a
lot more manageable now in comparison to losing you.
I have found out why through the centuries people have turned to God
for help; I have prayed everyday for help in accepting this loss and the
ability to go on, and she has answered me abundantly.
I have found that friends and family can make all the difference in
helping you bear a heavy burden, and the extra layer of a faith community will
support you that much more. I
couldn’t have survived this year without everyone’s help.
Now
all I have to do is figure out how to get through the rest of this life,
missing you every day, while being a good wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend,
and community member. I’ll try to make you proud, my dear, dear son.
From Abigail
Manheim Bass:
In
a winter garden, nothing grows;
not
one weed and not one rose.
Not
one rose and not one weed
suggest
the stirring of the seed.
But
winter would have passed with time,
the
storm relent, the sky turn fine.
Instead
you locked your garden gate
against
the seasons running late
and
said, with bitterness, Bloom no more
for
me. My garden's sad and poor.
Did
you think that you're the only
gardener
laboring long and lonely?
Or
think you were the only one
who
loved that garden in the sun?
Or
in winter bleakness, or summer rain?
How
is our loss to be contained?
Your
heart can never be released,
our
hearts can never rest in peace.
From
the Coulter-Bisson Family:
Dear
Garth,
It
has been one year since you left us, and each of us in the Coulter-Bisson
household wants to write you a note. We all miss you, but we are glad
that we had the chance to get to know you. We will never forget you!
From
Barry:
I
miss playing chess with you (even losing), and I relish that day in Bellagio
when you shared your David Mathews CDs with me. This was one of the rare
occasions (in recent years) when I sat down and really listened to
music. It was great, and I appreciate that you took the time to share
one of your favorite artists with me. As important as music was to me in
my youth, I'm afraid that I have lost that thread in recent years. The
intensity of your love for music may help me to adjust my priorities, some
day. In many ways, you remind me of the young man that I was. I
have traded that youthful fire for patience, accommodation and
compromise. But perhaps I can hold some of those ideals, again. If
I do, you will be a big part of that.
From
Noelle:
Hey,
I miss you and I just would like you to know that I love you with all of my
heart and I will forever more. Thanks for everything, you changed my
life in a huge way. You were always optimistic and happy whenever I saw
you. You helped me feel better when I lost at arm-wrestling with Bianca.
You taught me that it is better to talk your way out of a fight rather than
hurting someone or myself. Thanks for everything.
From
Bianca:
Hi,
I miss you and I love you very much. Thanks for giving me all of those
piggy-back rides. I had fun with you in Italy. You're a great guy.
From
Laura:
An
image from last summer that comes to mind was being in an old church off the famous
"three coins in the fountain" plaza in Rome. The old city
closes in on this particular ancient plaza and creates and excitement of
humanity and age-old knowledge. This church felt like a sanction of
peace from the hustle of natives and tourist bustling outside its massive
doors. In the dark and quiet church, in a corner enclave to the right of
the altar, quite hidden and very small, was a baptismal basin. On the
wide rim of this basin was a neatly folded pink infant sleeper. It took
a second for the message of this infant garment to register in my mind: it
belonged to an infant who would not become a child.
It
had just been three weeks since Garth had suddenly become a boy who would not
become an adult. And with Garth constantly on my mind, I found there was
more to see than a tiny sleeper on a baptismal basin. What spoke clearly
to me was the special workless message added by loving hands to the careful
folding and placement of the sleeper. It spoke volumes about the baby's
family. A message to the universe was sent out in the mindful placement
of that garment. An eloquent message of caring. To care about
someone makes that person important and immortal. It is my single
greatest gift to give.
Garth,
it is with great joy that I count you among the people I care about.
Love
from all of us,
Barry,
Noelle, Bianca and Laura
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