In Memory of Garth Manheim

To all our friends,

On July 11, 2001, while on vacation with us on the Adriatic coast of Italy, our son Garth took his own life. He died a peaceful and painless death. He was sixteen years old.

Those who knew Garth well knew something of his demons, but may not have known the extent to which they ruled his life.

Those who didn't know Garth at all might be tempted to think he was just another troubled, angst-ridden, whacked-out teenager, but he wasn't that at all.

Those who knew Garth a little are probably the most shocked, since they knew only a quiet boy who spoke articulately and freely to adults (rare for many teenagers), loved little children, and had a ready smile and a big heart, and did not realize how fragile and brittle he was.

Garth had grown to be a fine, tall, slim, handsome young man. He loved tennis, writing, music, fantasy books, video games, chess, movies. He had become totally dedicated to fitness and, while not a body-builder in any way, he was strong and quick and agile. He spent many hours on the computer writing fantasy stories filled with heroism and death, as well as many hours immersed in the fantasy world of video role-playing games.

He was a serious, dedicated student, the kind teachers like because they work hard, and his teachers did always like him. When we returned home, we found his last grade report containing the best grades he had received in years, as well as cards from both his guidance counselor and one of his teachers congratulating him on his effort, dedication and fine work, not to mention his honor-role grades. While he never had an easy way with people his own age, he had a few good friends and many more at school who liked him and found him interesting, although he never believed this.

He was something of a loner and had a quick temper and a low tolerance for imperfection which, in the last few years of his life, he directed only at himself. He was dreamy, absent-minded and forgetful and hopelessly unmechanical.

We will never know for sure where it all went wrong for Garth, but we had long feared for his future. He seemed ill-equipped for the modern world, a Don Quixote without the benefit of senile delusions to protect him from the harsh blows of finding, over and over again, that he was only doing battle with windmills. We think he had clinical depression, but we will never know whether he ever would have found his way, or if his life would have continued to be a series of frustrations and disappointments. Certainly, it was not easy for any of us to be sixteen and for Garth it was less so and the emotions that raged in his sensitive soul, feelings that we can only guess at since he kept them so well hidden, must have been overwhelming and excruciating. It was very difficult being Garth and, in the end, he gave up trying.

Garth was never able to find satisfaction in the things he did well. He had developed into a fine tennis player and a good writer. After struggling socially as a child, he had blossomed in high school and had good friends who cared about him. I believe he could have been a good teacher, since he enjoyed talking about his favorite subjects and loved young children. He had two parents who loved him as much as any parent can love a child. He was healthy and strong and honest and true.

In spite of all this, he was very lonely and wanted more from himself and always came up short. None of us were able to reach him with the logic of pointing out the many advantages and talents he had. He was fatally unable to put his life in perspective and find a path he could follow to a productive, satisfying, if not happy life.

This message is about Garth, but I know I should also say that we are getting by and we know that life must go on. We have two other children who still need us. We know that our lives will now forever be tinged with sadness and that we will think of him and love him every day for the rest of our lives. But we also believe in our hearts that Garth is now happy and at peace, something he never found in life.

For myself, I'm finding comfort in recalling his life, not his death. I could tell many Garth stories, some funny, some revealing, some examples of his idiosyncrasies, or his kindness, or his annoying habits, or his courage. I'm afraid, though, that if I start I won't be able to stop, so I'll close with something our twelve-year-old daughter Alana said on the day Garth died. She said that Garth was now in a place where he was the best tennis player in the world, and had written the best books in the world, and had all the friends in the world. I'll only add to that that where he is now, he's finally become the human being he always wanted to be.

Jonathan and Leigh Manheim

"Make your days extraordinary."

- Garth Louis Manheim

P.S. We will be holding a memorial service to celebrate Garth's life some time at the end of August, when people are back from vacations. We will announce the date as soon as it is set. Also, we will be identifying an organization or two for people to send dontations to in lieu of flowers, but we haven't been able to get that far yet. If you know of an appropriate organization, please feel free to donate in memory of Garth or hang on until we make another announcement. If you must send something now, Helpline House on Bainbridge Island is a very fine organization where Garth did some volunteer work. Thanks. - JM

The memorial service to celebrate Garth's life will be held on Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 1:00 in the central outdoor plaza of Bainbridge High School. Anybody may contribute in any way. If you can't be there but would like something read, please send it to me and one of us will read it.

In lieu of flowers, please send contributions to:

National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association

730 N. Franklin Street, Suite 501

Chicago, Illinois 60610-7204

(800) 826-3632

or any of the organization on the Links page or any other organization you choose.

Thanks to all who sent email, cards, letters, food. We can never find words for the kindness and understanding we've received.

Jonathan, Leigh, Meghan, Alana and Garth

Email: jonma@bainbridge.net leigh@bainbridge.net meghan@bainbridge.net alana@bainbridge.net

Drive up the ramp from the ferry, go straight through first traffic light. Second traffic light is High School Road, turn left. One block to a four-way stop, go straight, the High School is on the right at the top of the hill.

Stay on the highway south. Third traffic light is High School Road, turn right. One block to a four-way stop, go straight, the High School is on the right at the top of the hill.

I have added a Photo Album page and a small selection of photos of Garth from infancy on.

We've been reading a lot of literature about coping with grief, a loss by suicide, untimely death, mental health issues, teen suicide, etc. I've added a page to list some of the quotes I've found most meaningful. If you have any that fit, please send them and I'll include them on this page.

Garth Manheim Memorial Tennis Tournament - On Saturday, January 26, 2002, there will be a benefit tennis tournament in Garth's memory at the Bainbridge Island Racquet Club. Proceeds will be donated to National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) and it's local chapter, WAMI, and the Yellow Ribbon Youth Suicide Prevention organization. The club is donating its facilities, many thanks to Ted Eisenhardt and his staff for their generosity. The format will be a Junior/Senior doubles draw, something Garth and I had talked about doing many times, a dinner, and an evening Pro/Am exhibition draw.

Garth Manheim Memorial Tennis Tournament - The tournament was a huge success and raised over $3000 for WAMI/NAMI and Yellow Ribbon. It was well-attended and the tennis was fun and the food was great. My great thanks to everyone who participated. I felt that Garth was with us that day and I think he would have been surprised, but pleased, to see how many people were there to honor his memory.

Out of the Darkness - Leigh and I will be participating in a fundraising event called "Out of the Darkness", a 26-mile overnight walk from Fairfax, VA to Washington, DC, August 17-18. The event will include 3000 participants and will raise money for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). For more information about this event, see the BeThePeople website at http://www.bethepeople.com/darkness/events_darkness.htm.

AFSP focuses on the root causes of suicide: untreated mental illness in more than 90% of the cases. I find it appalling that suicide is the eighth leading cause of death nationally, third among the 15-24 age group, and SECOND for teenagers, right behind accidents. I have been shocked by the number of people I have met whose lives have been touched by suicide. A big part of the problem is that we don't really understand the clinical basis for mood disorders and consequently have only rudimentary methods for diagnosing and treating them. AFSP is working to overcome the social stigma of these disorders, to bring them "out of the darkness", and to advocate for more resources for research and education in this area. Only through better understanding, better diagnosis, better treatment, and elimination of the social stigma attached to these mood disorders can we save lives like Garth's.

Many of you have asked if there was something you could do. Now, we have found something. We are asking our families and our friends to support us in this effort. At the BeThePeople website there is a link for making a donation online (I am walker #2167). Alternatively, you may use a paper donation form which I can supply. If you have any questions or would like a paper form, please send email to me at jonma@bainbridge.net, or Leigh at leigh@bainbridge.net. Please consider doing this, not just to honor Garth's memory but also to help those still with us to live a better life. Donations are tax-deductible, eligible for employer matching, and can be spread out over ten months if you use a credit card.

I have added a second photo album page with a few more scanned shots. I hope to add more as I go through the sixteen years worth of family snapshots, portraits, and travel albums that represent our little family history.

The May 25 issue of the Bainbridge Review featured a front-page story about Meghan's efforts to spread teen suicide prevention awareness at Bainbridge High School. With the help of her health teacher, and using the structure of the Yellow Ribbon Teen Suicide Prevention organization, Meghan organized a "Yellow Ribbon Day" at the high school on the Friday after the article appeared, and spoke to several classes about Garth, recognizing suicidal behavior, and seeking help when life seems overwhelming. I am adding a scan of this article which unfortunately does not include the Review's banner or dateline.

The article revived interest here on the island in the teen suicide prevention issue and brought a flurry of interest in our Out of the Darkness fundraiser.

Leigh and I took a booth at the 4th of July festival here on Bainbridge. We had a display board devoted to the Out of the Darkness event, and Yellow Ribbon materials as well. Many thanks to Suzanne Gardner, a friend and local artist, for contributing a set of original cards that we were able to sell and use the proceeds for Yellow Ribbon. We collected over $250 in cash and distributed many donation forms for OOTD and hope that people will follow up and use them to contribute to our walking fund. Our fund is well over $6000 now and we're still hoping to make our goal of $10,000.

Sitting in that booth, I felt like we were a small island of sadness in the middle of this happy festival. However, we received a huge response, and talked to people all day long. Almost all of the people who stopped by were either friends and acquaintances, or people whose lives have been touched by suicide in some way. Almost everyone thanked us for what we were doing, but I couldn't help but wish that none of it were necessary.

The 4th of July marked the 51st week since Garth's passing. However, the need for change and understanding was made even more acute by the terrible news the day before of another teen suicide on Bainbridge Island.

We had a gathering at our house to mark the anniversary of Garth's passing. There were about twenty people there, family and close friends, and all were invited to offer their thoughts, and we read some things that people had sent who couldn't be there. To see some of the things that were said, click here. I myself took some objects from his room and told stories about them, some funny, some revealing. At least, that's what I hoped they would be. I also read the letter I wrote to him on his seventeenth birthday. We all sat outside on the deck overlooking the water late in the afternoon of this sunny but sad day. We set up a table with a picture of Garth, flowers, candles, and a few things, like his tennis racquet, a book of his drawings, and a Sobe drink bottle, that reminded us of him. After all the words were spoken, we released a single balloon.

A remarkable thing happened that day. After everyone had gone home, I went back into his room to return the articles I had taken for the ceremony. Leigh was in there already and she showed me what she had found. On his desk was a small scrap of paper on which was written, "I love you all so much." The handwriting was unmistakably his. We both knew instantly that we had received a message from Garth, and we were very thankful for it. If you're inclined to be skeptical, you could say that anybody there could have written this. Actually, I think someone there did, I even have a candidate in mind. However, that person was acting as a medium for Garth, I'm certain of it. The sentiments are certainly Garth's and it's impossible to ignore the evidence of his handwriting, with which we are very familiar.

Perhaps a word of explanation is necessary here. Leigh and I believe in "the survival of consciousness." We believe that Garth's individual energy has persisted in a discreet form and furthermore, that we can connect with and communicate with him. We do not believe that everything that Garth was ceased to exist on July 11, 2001, even though his body stopped functioning. We believe that he has left the material world and now occupies a different spiritual place and that we can connect with him in that place and we do frequently. I know there are many who doubt this, but I can only point out that, although I can't prove that this is so, neither can they prove that it isn't. We choose to believe what we need to believe to get by. However, I know in my heart that I have connected with and communicated with Garth and that he has communicated with us. His beautiful note to us is only the most obvious case of this, but there have been many others. As has been said, "Just because you don't believe something doesn't mean it isn't true."

Over the last six months, Leigh and I have been participating in a fundraiser for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention called "Out of the Darkness". The culmination of this event was a 26-mile walk through the night from Fairfax, Virginia to Washington, DC. The four of us spent two weeks on the East Coast prior to the walk, vacationing and visiting. I wrote this email message on returning:

Dear Friends,

After six months of fundraising and twelve long hours of walking, the Out of the Darkness event is over. Leigh and I completed the 26-mile walk, which was a tremendous physical challenge as well as an emotional experience that we will never forget. We are very glad we did this, and very glad it's over.

We wanted to thank all of you for all the love and support you have given us, monetary and otherwise. As we walked through the hot and humid Virginia night, we carried each of you in our hearts, along with the memory of our dear, sweet missing son, Garth. We raised over $8000 for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, thanks to the incredible generosity of our family and friends and we believe that this money will be well spent on support programs, research grants, and educational literature that will ultimately unravel the mystery of mental illness and suicide that takes 30,000 lives each year in the U.S. alone. For this, we thank you all from the bottom of our hearts.

If you would like to investigate this further, AFSP has an interesting website, http://www.afsp.org/index-1.htm, which lists its activities. I particularly like to read about the grants they give to people doing clinical research into the disorders that are the root causes of so many suicides. You may also want to take the link to the report on the Out of the Darkness event, or just go directly to http://www.afsp.org/whats-new/ootd.htm and check out the picture right below the text. It's not a great picture of us, but how beautiful can you be at 1:00 am after walking 13 miles?

I wanted to provide some facts, vignettes and personal reactions to things we experienced on that incredible night:

- 2300 people participated in the walk. I'm not sure anybody knows how many actually finished, but I doubt that more than 200 failed to complete it. The visual experience of being in a river of humanity that large cannot be described.

- The temperature was in the mid-nineties when we started the walk at 7:00 pm, with humidity about the same. It never got much below 85 the entire night. We had to be careful to drink a lot of water and sports drinks and eat as much as we could. The event organizers provided rest stops about every 1.5 miles on average with plenty of supplies and portable toilets ("If you're not peeing a lot, you're not drinking enough!").

- The walk started in a parking lot at a community college campus in Fairfax, VA and ended at the Washington Monument in Washington, DC and took us almost exactly twelve hours. About half of the walk was through wooded paths, residential areas, and suburban commercial districts. A large part of it was on a bike path that ran near a freeway, and the last part ran several miles along the Potomac with the Washington Monument in sight.

- At many, many places along the route, even as late as 1:00 am, people had gathered to cheer us on, applaud, and thank us for what we were doing. We, in turn, thanked them sincerely for being there. Some held signs, some had pictures of loved ones that they had lost to suicide. This support and encouragement was very moving to me, and I'm grateful they were there.

- A man was standing by himself in a residential area with a card table set up next to him on which was a lighted candle and a framed photo of a teenage boy. The man was applauding and telling us, over and over as people streamed by, that his thirteen-year-old son had committed suicide five years ago and that he was so happy someone was finally doing something to fight suicide. We stopped and spoke to him and told him how sorry we were for his loss. He told us that his son had been a straight-A student who had received a D in English and had written a note to his parents saying "I'm sorry I let you down" and had shot himself. Thirteen years old. Maybe this wasn't the whole story, but the bald fact of the matter was that a thirteen-year-old boy had succumbed to pressures we can't even imagine and had taken his own life. It was hard to find a better justification for what we were doing than this.

- I spoke to several people who were doing the walk even though they had NOT lost a loved one or friend to suicide, but rather because they believed in the cause, or thought it was important to raise awareness, or because it was a good thing to do. I greatly admired these people for putting forth the effort without even having the motivation that we had.

- Garth's best friend Geoff and his mother Ann had signed up to do the walk. Unfortunately, the training walks aggravated an existing but unknown knee problem for Geoff, resulting in surgery. Geoff more than met his minimum fundraising goal and signed up to work on the crew since he was unable to do the walk, and was there at several points along the way to cheer us on. Ann walked with us as part of our little "team". I am very grateful to Ann and Geoff and their family for joining us in this effort and supporting us all through this last year.

- We were wearing signs we had made saying "We walk in loving memory of our son" and Garth's name and a picture of him. Many people on the walk spoke to us about Garth and shared stories of their own loved ones who had passed from suicide. I remember one young man in particular because he told me that he had been twelve, Alana's age last year when Garth died, when his older sister took her life. We talked a lot about what that was like for him and his family and it was interesting to hear it from his point of view.

Of course, there are many, many images of that night I will hold in my mind forever, but I hope what I've shared has given you some feeling for what it was like.

I'm not sure where we go from here, except that I know that we will continue to work to prevent youth suicide, and to advocate for more research and understanding into clinical depression and other mood disorders that take lives and devastate families. We will be setting up a fund, the Garth Louis Manheim Memorial Fund, at AFSP. This fund will be a symbol of our ongoing commitment, and we will continue to do some types of fundraising events like last year's tennis tournament to further this cause. We will continue to hold to the principle of "No More Secrets" and help bring the subject of suicide and mental illness "out of the darkness" so that we can address its causes and support its victims. Most of all, we hope our work will save lives and prevent the human misery that is caused by treatable mental illnesses.

Again, our thanks and our love to all of you.

Jonathan, Leigh, Meghan, Alana, and Garth

On January 25, 2003 we held the second Garth L. Manheim Memorial Tennis Tournament at the Bainbridge Island Racquet Club. Like last year's event, this one was a great success, and we raised close to $3000 for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

The format of the tournament was the same as last year's, Junior/Senior doubles with a Pro/Am exhibition at the end and dinner for all. The Junior/Senior doubles arose from an idea Garth and I had had, to pair up family members for some friendly matches, and it has become a good way for parents to play with children, or for adults to meet and play with kids that they would otherwise have no chance to play with or even know. It's a round-robin tournament, non-elimination, so everyone gets to play all day. It was a lot of fun.

I'm very grateful to the pros who donated their time to be there, as I am to Ted Eisenhart and the entire staff of BIRC who kindly donated their time and the club services to this tournament. It's a lot of work to put on a tournament like this, from the catering and snack food and drink, to the details of the tournament play itself and getting everyone matched up and scheduled, and it wouldn't have come off without the dedication and effort of a lot of good people. The club is like a big family, but a family that has suffered painful losses. Many club members knew and liked Garth, and I think he would be pleased with what was done in his memory.

I don't have a final figure on the amount that was raised, since money is still coming in. Leigh and I underwrote the other expenses so that all of the proceeds could go to AFSP. Many people contributed more than the required $50 entry fee and some even paid for some of the Juniors who would otherwise not be able to play because of the cost. Like last year, the generosity of these kind people was overwhelming.

I must say that it was a long and exhausting day for me, but a good one. Leigh, Meghan, and Alana all joined me at the club and helped out with the setup and cleanup, as did other friends, for which I am also very grateful. It was a group effort for a good cause and I'm glad everyone had a good time. Here's to ya, Garth.

Jonathan

In early June, Bob McAllister, Garth's freshman English teacher located Garth's "Letter to Self." This was a letter Mr. McAllister had had his students write to themselves as seniors, the idea being that the letters would be sealed by the students and not opened and read until June of their senior year, when they were getting ready to graduate. The idea was to give them a perspective on how their outlook on themselves and where they would be as seniors would change during their high school experience. We knew about this letter, but Mr. McAllister had been unable to find it until he pulled them all out, handed them back, and realized he had one left over. Garth had put his initials on the envelope instead of his name, that's why he couldn't find it.

Garth wrote this letter on May 15, 2000, his fifteen-and-a-half birthday, which he notes in the letter, almost fourteen months before he passed. It was written in one of his down moments and is painful to read. He talks about feeling depressed and lonely, about how his parents were the only ones who loved him and no wonder, because he saw himself as a "sullen jerk". He talks about being lonely, denigrates his own writing, which he calls "meaningless." He writes, "Nothing in the world seems to make sense right now. I'm insane over nothing, jealous of those who are happy, and angry with the way the world works." Then he says, "I'm also contemplating suicide if you want to know all of it. I feel so damn miserable and don't know why." He finishes with, "God, I can only wish you are in better shape than I. I hope you have found a date for the prom, I hope you are happy. I hope you are rocking down the house in your tennis game...I hope you are better than me, pal. I pray you are." And then, the most painful part, a postscript where he writes, "P.S. Are you even alive?"

There is a brutal kind of appropriateness to this letter. If he had been in a good mood and written about his hopes and dreams for the future, would that have been better? I don't think so. But the obvious pain he was in during a time we thought he was doing well and flourishing makes us feel bitter and regretful, like the failed parents we are. However, it does lay to rest the idea that his action that night in Zadina was not an isolated, impulsive action, but part of a long, painful continuum of depressive illness, something he had thought about (but not talked about) for at least a year.

Leigh and I knew Garth was suffering from depressive illness. What we didn't realize was how dangerous it was. We wish we had gotten him treatment, although we realize that it may not have helped him. All we know for sure is that we didn't try and that's something we'll just have to live with.

On June 7, the Bainbridge High School Class of 2003, Garth's class, held their commencement exercises. We attended, with many mixed feelings. Although we were very sad that Garth never made it to this date, we knew that this was a happy day and a significant achievement for all the other members of the class, including his close friends Tristan, Nick, and Brandon, as well as all the others who knew him and have contacted us to talk about him over the last two years. We were very happy for them and we wished them well. About thirty or forty of the members of this class chose to remember Garth by wearing a flier on the backs of their gowns with his picture and the text, "We walk in loving memory..." It was a very nice tribute and we appreciated it, but like so many kind tributes and eulogies we've been through over the last two years, we wished with all our hearts that it hadn't been necessary.

Graduation was the last "planned" event in Garth's life. That is, it was the last thing we knew he would be doing. After that event, we can only speculate about where he would be going to school, what he would be studying, who his friends would be. That's the way it will be for the rest of our lives, just wondering what he would be doing, what he would look like, who he would be with. There's part of me that feels that his life would have continued to be filled with frustration and bitterness, but maybe not. We'll never know.

July 11 was the second anniversary of Garth's passing. Unlike last year, we did not hold a gathering. In fact, this anniversary was a non-event. Leigh and Alana were in Oregon at a horse show, and we spoke by phone and talked about the day. Many others noted the day and called, wrote, or sent flowers, including several of his contemporaries. We were very comforted by the kindness of our friends. I decided to hold a "Garth Film Festival" and spend several days watching some of his favorite films, like the Sean Connery James Bond movies, "Liar, Liar", "Gladiator", "Man On The Moon", and others, including various Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episodes. On the evening of July 9, Leigh called and reminded me that this night two years ago was that special night in Venice, when we rode the gondolas (and Meghan took what would be the last picture of Garth rowing the gondola), wandered the busy streets, and ate gelato under the stars in the Piazza San Marco. After the phone call, I decided to see a James Bond movie and figured I'd start with the first, "Dr. No", but then for some reason changed my mind and grabbed "From Russia With Love" instead. I don't know why I picked that one, except I hadn't seen it in years. I was surprised when I saw the film and remembered that there were scenes in both the beginning and end of the movie in Venice, with beautiful scenes of the Piazza San Marco, the Campanile, the Doge's Palace, and the Grand Canal. Another connection. Thanks, Garth.

On August 10, there was another teen suicide of a Bainbridge boy, Jake Nelson. Jake was Garth's age and had just graduated, but I don't think they knew each other. Surely, though, he knew about Garth. Our hearts ache for his family.

In the last two years, there have been five fine young men, including Bainbridge and North Kitsap, who have taken their own lives. Before Garth, I can't find any, but who knows? Suicides are chronically under-reported around the world. Did Garth open some kind of door for depressive young men? Why has there been such an upward trend in teen suicides over my lifetime? Are clinical depression and other mood disorders on the increase in our youth? If so, why? Email me with your thoughts on this.

Leigh has been focusing her suicide prevention efforts on teen suicide and has been working closely with the State of Washington Department of Health Youth Suicide Prevention Program, an ambitious and under-funded group that is trying to bring suicide prevention information to schools in a uniform and effective way statewide. I've added a link to their web page on the Links page.

The third Garth Louis Manheim Memorial Tennis Tournament was held yesterday at Bainbridge Racquet Club.

The fourth Garth Louis Manheim Memorial Tennis Tournament was held today at Bainbridge Racquet Club.

For a while, I thought that this event ran on people's sympathy for us, or respect for Garth's memory, but last year I realized that people participated because it was fun. This is not to say that the members who participate don't do so to honor Garth's memory, because I believe they do, especially the ones who knew him, or to help support a worthy cause, because their incredible generosity speaks to their understanding and commitment to solving the problem of mental illness and suicide. I think the tournament melds all those things together along with a healthy dose of fun, friendship, and good tennis and people really enjoy it and look forward to it.

The participant list filled up incredibly fast this year. Every year I worry about it and every year it seems to go better. It's like we've reached some kind of critical mass, and the event has taken on a life of it's own. It is very gratifying to me to see this tournament be a success, and it brings out the best in that family of tennis players and friends that is the Bainbridge Racquet Club.

For me, it's always a day filled with strong emotion. I love to see fifty people out there enjoying the Junior/Senior doubles, fulfilling a vision Garth and I had shared. I love to connect with all those people and walk around, shaking hands, hugging, welcoming, and thanking everyone for being part of the day. I also miss Garth more than ever on this day, and wish he could be there. I tell people Garth stories and for those who didn't know him, I talk about how they would have liked him, because I know they would. Many people tell me of their own losses, the ways their own lives have been touched by suicide. Many kindly tell me how much they enjoy the tournament, and praise our efforts to bring mental illness and suicide into the public consciousness. I appreciate all of these sentiments more than I can express.

This year's tournament proceeds went to AFSP. Specifically, the money will be donated to support the Out of the Darkness walk Leigh and I will participate in this summer in Chicago. I don't have a final tally, but I think we did well. Last year we raised over $4000. This year, I'm guessing we'll hit $5000. Leigh pointed out that if we get something around that figure, over the four tournaments the generous people of the Bainbridge Racquet Club (now renamed the Bainbridge Athletic Club) will have contributed around $16,000 to suicide prevention and mental health awareness. That's pretty amazing.