Quotes

"There is a need to ask, "Why?"  The questions must be asked, even though you may never find the answers.  It is an enigma, and it is part of the process of healing that we all go through.  But ultimately, if there are no answers, you may need to stop asking the questions, for to continue only becomes an obsession which can be destructive to yourself and those around you.

"I found I had only partial answers and nothing really satisfactory.  I will never know all the answers as to why my son chose to end his life, but I came to the conclusion that I didn't have to know in order to let go of the question, but only after I had asked it over and over and struggled with the WHY.  Had I not done that, I could have allowed mourning to become my life-style for the rest of my life."

- Iris Bolton, a bereaved parent whose child died by suicide, author of the book, "My Son, My Son".

"Our only true gift on this earth is having shared our life with another for even a short time.  During times when we can only look at our loss in terms of what we have lost, the real gift comes in knowing that another soul has chosen us to spend its short time with, and the reward is the time we had.  If we look at the loss as a tragedy, we will never understand what a gift we received.  The soul of a loved one is so much more than the physical presence it took up on the earth.  To curse the passing of our loved one is to not understand that our loved one is a complete and total being, on a separate journey from our own, no matter how many times the roads intertwine, and no matter when they separate.  We have to look at each other as souls on a course and not physical bodies that are faulted and frail; our souls are invincible and they go on.  Our gift is having spent any time at all with another soul that we love.  Something given to us even for a second gives us a lifetime of memories, and although I hate clichés, the souls indeed have agreed that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved.  Imagine never having been touched by the soul of your loved one on the earth -- it is an empty experience, and that is real death.  Our potential to love, to hurt, to recover, and to eventually learn shields us from true death.  At a time when we feel so much has been taken from us, it is the one true gift the souls can give us -- a gift of peace."

- "Walking in the Garden of Souls" by George Anderson and Andrew Barone

"Suicide is a particularly awful way to die: the mental suffering leading up to it is usually prolonged, intense and unpalliated. There is no morphine equivalent to ease the acute pain, and death, not uncommonly, is violent and grisly. The suffering of a suicidal is private and inexpressible, leaving family members, friends and colleagues to deal with an almost unfathomable kind of loss, as well as guilt. Suicide carries in its aftermath a level of confusion and devastation that is, for the most part, beyond description."

- Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison, in her book about understanding suicide (From BeThePeople website)

"Sometimes I think this world is just too tough for the loveliest, most complex of us..."

- Donna DeMeyer, friend

 

"Life has to end," she said.  "Love doesn't." 

- Mitch Albom, from "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"

© 2005 by Jonathan Manheim

Comments to jonma@manheimfamily.org